Free PDF , by Henry Cloud John Townsend
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, by Henry Cloud John Townsend
Free PDF , by Henry Cloud John Townsend
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Product details
File Size: 524 KB
Print Length: 258 pages
Simultaneous Device Usage: Up to 5 simultaneous devices, per publisher limits
Publisher: Zondervan (May 18, 2009)
Publication Date: May 18, 2009
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishing
Language: English
ASIN: B000SELDB8
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#19,503 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
How many more "experts" are going to give selfish advice to married couples? Our lives are supposed to exemplify Christ's, who gave all He had for His Bride. How can we do less? Aside from the rave reviews, I hear of destroyed marriages, ungodly counsel, and selfish attitudes, promoted by the principles espoused in this book.As the mother of eight, I believe I have the right to speak out about this false teaching, promoted by this book, of "boundaries". I have heard some extremely selfish counsel, comments, and rough situations coming out of its principles, applied.We are to be Warriors for Christ, turn the other cheek, overlook a transgression, forgive one another, and lay down our lives for each other. We are taught to die to self, and put other's needs before our own.Please do not think that the continued quoting of Scripture in a book makes its message correct. Satan quoted Scripture to Jesus, remember? Jesus answered with - "It is written..." I say - "It is written...Greater love hath no man, than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" and we are told that if we are compelled to go a mile, go two. Definitely not taught to set up boundaries, but that the 2 become 1, and I believe the authors are to be held accountable, for putting asunder many marriages. - E. K. S., Florida
I live with an emotionally abusive husband. I had tried to get him to understand how he was hurting me, but it would only turn into arguments. I finally decided to go to counseling. I learned that I had a part in the problem. I was a codependent. I needed to learn to set boundaries. However, I was alto told that my husband’s personality was such that he would never get better and I was gently being pushed into leaving him. She asked me every week what it was going to take for me to leave him. I read this book and now I have hope again. Using Scripture, this book outlines different problems and how to set clear, fair boundaries. While I’ve just finished the book, I have already started using the boundaries. This book gives good, clear examples in a chart form that is very easy to understand. With practice and time I will get better and learn how to set good boundaries. I cannot change my husband, but with good boundaries, he can learn and change himself. If he doesn’t, and some don’t, then I will know I did my very best. I will also know how to deal with others in a healthy way. I no longer feel confused. I like the way this book values marriage. I had told my counselor I really wanted the marriage to work, but sometimes I didn’t (when he was abusive, which was at least weekly). It also states that there are times it just doesn’t work out, but if you’ve learned to set good boundaries then you can accept the fact it isn’t going to work.
About 12 years ago my wife and I ended up in counseling to try and save our marriage. The counselor recommended this book, and it was just what we needed for our situation. Since then I have recommended this book over and over again to other people, and shared it with many friends.
What a fantastic book to help understand relationship dynamics together with God's design for our lives in these relationships. Whether you have a spiritual connection to our Creator or are secular in your beliefs, there is a wealth of information here for you to understand.
Warning: do not read this book or take their advice if you are in a (verbally, emotionally, sexually and/or physically) abusive marriage! Attempting to set boundaries with an unempathetic, controlling partner will almost certainly backfire and escalate the abusive behavior, potentially putting you (and children) in danger. These authors repeatedly discount female abuse victims' stories in this book and imply that divorcing an abuser isn't an option. Perhaps this book has useful advice for enhancing mutually loving marriages, but it is naive on the dynamics of evil, abusive spouses. This book is filled to the brim with victim-blaming and doesn't go hard enough on spouses who are clearly in the wrong. Not all people can be loved/boundaried out of their sinfulness. Sometimes divorce is the proper consequence for a spouse who repeatedly violates your boundaries (and the abuser won't usually leave you in response to you setting boundaries, he/she will just get nastier).
Prepare to understand the boundaries your marriage needs... starting with YOU!! Not for the faint of heart! This book has been extremely eye opening & I have my work cut out for me, starting with mistakes I did not even know I've been making for my entire marriage! I look forward to the journey ahead & recommend this book to everyone.
It is helpful because it teaches a person how to express oneself in marriage and the importance to be truthful and doing things out of freedom and love and taking responsibility for one's action. I gave it 4 stars because I do not agree with some proposed actions.
If only this book had been available 30 years ago before my divorce, perhaps my marriage could have been not only saved, but enjoyed rather than miserable. I tried everything I could think of for 14 years, searching the Bible constantly, searching for help, only finding I had to change myself and take the log out of my own eye, which I did. But, the marriage only got worse because all I knew and was told to do was to submit. But, submitting to sin is neither helpful nor loving. I only wish this book was a required study and exercise before all marriages. Imagine starting a relationship already knowing how to react in ways that work.
The only way this book will possibly work is if both people in the relationship read it and are willing to completely change their personality. It offers suggestions for scenarios, but I find it difficult to remember what to do when the situations occur in my marriage. I feel that it is best if the people in the relationship accept the other person for who they are and don’t try to control them. This book does offer suggestions for this but personalities are hard to change especially for the long haul. A marriage would be perfect if both people followed these suggestions for the rest of their lives. I just don’t think this book offers logical suggestions for repairing or keeping a marriage happy.
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